Over the last year I have been the primary caregiver for my mother and her companion of over 20 years he recently passed away. I have been reflecting on what life is like ever since. I had to make the hardest decision for his best possible care and it had to be in a skilled nursing facility. Thank goodness we were able to find one that was very good and the people
there really did care.
As I reflect back over the past year I wonder what it will be like as I grow older. In our society we have become so ingrained in NOTallowing others to assist us in any way, mean or fashion that when we do need someone, there is no one there for us. What has happened to us as a society that we feel that it is a sign of weakness to ask for help? Whatever happened to getting to know the people that live next door to us? Whatever happened to being ok to ask someone for help and accept it without saying “no it’s ok I can handle it?”
I have no children to look out for me and be an advocate, to say “she hates lima beans but loves green beans”! I personally have friends and family around me that I am sure would assist me if I asked, but will I? I know in my heart of hearts that it is not a sign of weakness to ask for assistance and yet I know I hesitate to ask. So this leads me to the next piece. What about those individuals who have lived their entire life pushing others away and when the time comes they need assistance there is no one there to help? Harry Chapin wrote a song in 1974 about that “Cats in the Cradle.”
While mom was in the hospital this last time a nurse shared with us that was a person in the hospital who had no one except the nursing staff there to care for him. No one to be his advocate, no one to say “hey he likes one blanket on him not a sheet and a blanket”, no one to talk to food service about what his likes and dislikes were, no one to say “why are you adding an additional medication to the list”? No one to say “I think I have noticed a change in his thought process recently would that be a sign of something we should be concerned about?” In other word he didn’t have an advocate for his needs like my mom did
while she was in the hospital.
We need more of a mentality that we take care of one another. Instead over the years we have come to trust less, when in actuality we need to trust more. I am not saying let’s all get together and hug! What I am saying is that we do need to open up ourselves and let others in. No not everyone in the world has our best interest at heart, but there are people out there that do! We need to tune into ourselves and trust that our gut will help define the good from the evil.
This is what this blog will be about, exploring all of these ideas and thoughts over the next year what an adventure this is going be! I hope you come along for the ride and share this with others!
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MS, ICPS, ICADC
Judy has become known as the coach who has a great “attitude about gratitude!”
Her coaching style focuses on individual strengths; by focusing on our strengths we can positively impact those around us.
She has an extensive background in training 25++ years.
She conducts training around the nation.