Grateful today for my morning journaling insight. As I awakened, I was dreaming of a friend who had passed several years back, and I never had the chance to say good bye but the service I was dreaming about was so her!
I continued to reflect and thought the lessons I learned from losing so many people in my 20's. That families can be torn apart if they allow it. That everyone approaches death and dying from their own previous experiences and if they have never experienced death, they watch closely how those they love, and respect handle it. That I handled losing six people between 27 to 30 handled it the best that I could, but knew I needed to heal and so began the journey.
Now, a year later, after mom's passing, I understand that I had begun the work to heal years before she passed. I knew that I did not want to repeat what I had seen and done in my 20's. The best part because I did the work, I was able to mourn her loss, but knew that I had done everything I could to the best of my ability.
I always said I did I all I did before she passed because I didn't want regrets. I wanted us to live fully while she was still here, and we did. Were there times when I was frustrated absolutely! Yet I knew in my heart that I was doing this, not only for her, but for me. I still ache for her spunkiness and her wit and humor. Yet she is with me, all around me and smiling as I begin this next chapter without her physical presence.
I begin this next chapter alone but surrounded by many who love and support me.
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